Stop beating yourself up.

My homework for the week is to stop beating myself up over things I do or do not get done during my day.  We can categorize our "To Do" list into three categories...

1. What we want to do: These are generally the "fun" activities through out our day.  Reading a book, taking a nap, watching some tv, wandering the internet, eating some ice cream, going out to dance/party etc.
2. What we should do:  These activities will vary from person to person based on their own outlooks of what they view as important or necessary.  For me things I "should" do include exercising the dogs, studying for personal training certification, cleaning the house, meal prep, planning the garden.
3. What we need to do:  These are the activities that we NEED to do in order to survive.  They can be simplified down to the bare minimum tasks that MUST be accomplished each day.  These tasks include things like eating, going to the bathroom, getting enough sleep, personal hygiene, and going to work.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

I find that my "should" do and "need to" do categories often overlap ending up with many "should" items in the "need to" category.  When I then don't have enough time or do not accomplish these items I beat myself up about it!  One way to look at the distinctions is to look at an example such as cleaning.  What things do we need to keep clean, should we keep clean, and want to keep clean.  Things we NEED to keep clean include ourselves (personal hygiene) and our cooking areas (we don't want to end up with food poisoning).  If we neglect to keep these items clean our personal health and the well being of our family members can become jeopardized.  

Other household chores may not be as pivotal to our personal health, we can survive a few days without vacuuming (if you have allergies this may not be the best example), we aren't going to die if we don't do that load of laundry today.  Often these cleaning items are things we feel we "should" be getting done and sometimes slip into the category of "need to" get done.  It is important especially for me when my depression is the worst to recognize that it is OKAY to sometimes skip these or go a few extra days between them.  My world isn't going to end because the laundry is folded but not put away.  A lot of times when I don't do the "should" list items when I plan them out or "on time", I chastise myself for being lazy, for avoiding, for procrastinating.  If I don't do them again the next day, the self talk gets worse and worse as the days go by.  As that self talk gets worse, my motivation and my will to do those tasks gets smaller and smaller until they seem DAUNTING.  If I can hit the reset button on this cycle by recognizing some days won't be perfect and I won't get everything done, my mindset will be in a better place.  With my mindset in a better place, even with depression, getting those "should" items accomplished doesn't seem quite so impossible.  

The want items in terms of cleaning are a little harder to imagine but could include wanting to get a manicure, wanting to bring your car through the car wash so it is shiny and clean, wanting to hire someone to come do your cleaning for you, wanting to get your eyebrows done.  I'm not saying that we should avoid our wants at all.  I know that I need to incorporate the occasional want into my day to balance out accomplishing all of the needs.  If I need to play mental games with myself to accomplish some of my "need to" do list with a reward from my "want to" do list.  Awesome.  One example of this that doesn't have to do with cleaning but is currently something I am aiming for is if I follow my workout routine perfectly for 21 days, I am going to go get a massage! :)  Massages cost money, it will definitely be a treat but it gives me that extra motivation to really work towards my goal of committing to my workout routine.  

So, as I work on not mentally beating myself up this week over the smaller day to day things, I encourage you to also take a step back and notice if you are being especially hard on yourself in areas of your life where you could cut yourself some slack.  I'm making an effort to acknowledge when I successfully complete a task, even if it seems insignificant.  I want you to do the same.  One of the best ways to raise your self-confidence and self-esteem is through accomplishment.  If we can put the same amount of mind power into congratulating ourselves on what we DO rather than on what we fail to do, we are going to be in a better space mentally.  I know this is true, I've felt it before.  It is just a matter of forcing myself to recognize those small accomplishments, guiding my thoughts away from the negative reinforcement back to positive reinforcement.  Being mindful of my self talk.  Accepting my own limitations.  Smiling and living in the moment.

☆ Stephanie Ann

Depression, Emotional Eating and Meal Plans

Seven Layer Bars

It took a seven layer bar to get me out of bed today.  At noon.  Part of my struggle with depression is wanting to stay in bed when life feels too overwhelming.  I tried to convince myself a number of times to get up and going with my day:

• "You get to have your chocolate shakeo!" 
• "The dogs would love a walk outside" 
• "You can do this"
• "Staying in bed won't make this go away"
• "It's sunny out" 

None of these were enough though.  I wasn't excited about a freezing cold shake, I definitely didn't want to leave the warmth of my bed to walk the dogs, you can do this turned into no I can't, staying in bed won't make it any worse, it's sunny out but it is still cold.  The powers of negative self-talk when fighting depression can be incredible.  It wasn't until I gave myself permission to stray from my meal plan and go have a seven layer bar that I was able to drag my butt out of bed.

So what was it about that sweet treat that got me going?  I'm an emotional eater.  Sweets give me a sugar rush and make me feel better.  They make me feel better quickly.  That sugar rush is enough to get me a burst of energy to actually start my day.  Enough energy to make the healthy breakfast (today it was a pear, almonds, a rice cake with almond butter, and a coffee).  Once I've got that healthy breakfast in me I'm *usually* able to have a somewhat productive day and not crawl back under the covers where I can wander off into dream land.

I'm an emotional eater, I struggle with depression, and I'm doing the 21 Day Fix Extreme Program which includes a relatively restrictive meal plan.  How am I going to balance this?  When I'm doing well, like the first week of the program, eating healthy comes a lot easier and doesn't feel overwhelming.  I still have my cravings for sweets but I can push through them.  When I'm doing less well, like today, eating healthy feels like climbing Mount Everest and all I really want to do is hang out at base camp and drink hot cocoa.

"And then me will conquer that moment!"

I've spent the last hour or so trying to figure out how I can eat as healthy as possible while allowing myself treats when I need them to get going.  I think the first thing I have to do is accept that yes, I'm not going to be perfect with this meal plan the first time I do it and that is okay.  Change takes time.  Change of one aspect of my life is also not done in isolation from the rest of my life.  Physical, mental, and spiritual health are all linked together and influence one another.  Long term, increasing my physical health will ideally help my mental health and give me more energy to tackle the world and battle my depression.  Short term, if a seven layer bar will get me out of bed at noon when nothing else will, I will be enjoying that seven layer bar thank you very much.  Right now, the give and take, the compromise I am making with my healthy eating (my physical health) in those moments is worth the small boost I get in my emotional health (my mental health).  What I am hoping for is that, as my body gets used to eating much healthier and as these new healthy lifestyle habits really start to form I will have more good days where eating healthy comes easy than not so good days where eating healthy becomes a scary monster.

Balance is everything.  Not judging my own struggles and choices, accepting them for what they are and also accepting I can change them over time, will only help me be successful.  If I constantly deny having a meal plan is hard for me, I won't be able to face which parts of it are hard, or why those parts are hard.  I won't be able to work through those challenges and won't be able to successfully change my habits.  Along with this is taking credit for all of my meal plan victories both big and small.  On days when my depression is less intense and following the meal plan feels easy it is a huge victory!  On days when my depression is intense and I manage to get in all of my protein, veggies, and fruits plus some sweet extras, that is a huge victory as well!

I may have had some sweets and strayed from the meal plan but I DID eat my veggies, fruits and proteins.  I DID give my body good nutrients through these healthy foods.  I DID have my shakeology with all of its amazing health benefits.  And that is awesome, because I could have stayed in bed all day.  I could have not had that healthy breakfast after the seven layer bar.  I could have never taken on the 21 Day Fix Extreme challenge.  But I did.  And that my friends is something worth celebrating.

"Every person has three aspects:  the physical self, the mental self and the spiritual self.

The physical self is the easiest one for others to perceive.

It is about the health and fitness of your body.

When you are at your optimum in this area of life, you find that you can easily maintain your idea weight,  you rarely get sick, and you possess abundant energy.

The second aspect is your mental self.

It is about your mind and your work.

When you are at your optimum in this area of life, you find your work is challenging and satisfying, you are able to make use of your creativity and skills, and you are steadily advancing in your career.

The third aspect is your spiritual self. 

It is about your inner-most being and your concern with other souls.

When you are at your optimum in this area of life, you find that you are blessed with great friends in your life, and you are deeply immersed in a loving relationship with your soul mate."

taken from The Tao of Joy Every Day by Derek Lin

artwork - Transformation by Diane Fergurson

☆ Stephanie Ann

Take a deep breath and GO!

I'm officially starting my journey as a Fitness Coach by participating in my first challenge group!  Not going to lie, I am a little overwhelmed right now about the onslaught of information I have received about being a coach in the last few days but I am also SUPER excited! :)

I want to have a record of my triumphs and struggles as I complete this first challenge so when I am a coach I will be able to share this with people who are just beginning their own fitness journey.  They say that looking back you have 20-20 vision and I want to be able to give beginners the real thing, not watered down memories of what it was like when I was starting.

To make this post as easy to navigate as possible I'm going to break it into three sections.

1.  Who I am and where I am currently at in my fitness journey
2.  Why I want to be a Fitness Coach
3.  My vision for my coaching business, Stephanie Ann: Accept Yourself Fitness #StAAYFit

What makes me, me!

My name is Stephanie Ann and I like to consider myself a "Jill of all Trades," as in, I don't like to be put in a prelabeled box!  I'd really rather not be in any box at all!  I grew up in southern Rhode Island (Go Rhody) and was a bit of a tomboy, nerd, and athlete.  I guess you could say that I still embody those characteristics.  In college I studied chemical engineering and pole vaulted for the track and field team at my school.  During the summer, I spent most of my days life guarding on the beach and soaking in the rays.  Being physically fit and succeeding academically came easy.

Pole vaulting junior year of college.

Enter the real world, aka grad school.  No more set practice hours, no more set work hours, no more easily accessible dining hall, no more Rhody.  More gaining weight, more depression, more junk food, more stress, more sedentary activity.  I did my best during this transition including purchasing a road bike and mountain bike, growing a garden of my own etc but my overall wellness always managed to be the last of my priorities.  I felt lost in my own skin.

Two plus years after graduating with an MS in Engineering, my general fitness routine includes:

• Eating relatively healthy, except for breakfast.  Breakfast is definitely my least healthy meal of the day
• Instructing snowboarding two to three times a week
• Weekend hiking, skiing, or skating adventures with my dogs and partner
• Spending hours wishing I had more energy, or still fit into my old clothes, or was stronger
• Occasionally lifting at the gym

Ross and I when we got Altai this past September.

Needless to say, I found myself lacking structure and consistency in my lifestyle habits.  My current fitness journey status is: Ready for a POSITIVE change!

Why a Fitness Coach?

Consistency, accessibility, accountability, and helping others while helping myself!  I like the idea of using social media in a constructive way that helps others accept themselves and become the best them they can be.  I've always enjoyed coaching and tutoring and wanted to bring it to the next level.  I'm super excited to participate in my first challenge group and can't wait to start one of my own!  I'm also working on becoming certified as a personal trainer as I do this!

Stephanie Ann:  Accept Yourself Fitness #StAAYFit

A HUGE part of my own struggle with fitness and a healthy lifestyle post college has been accepting who I am as a person.  I struggle with depression which makes it hard to love myself all of the time and especially hard to find the motivation to change the parts of myself I want to improve upon.  It is one thing to say you are going to do something and another entirely to accomplish it while battling depression or any mental illness or exhausting/stressful situation.  Through my business I hope to inspire others who may be struggling mentally or physically to push past the voice in their heads telling them it is too much, too hard or not worth the effort.  I truly want to give people a chance to share their journey with a coach who understands where they are coming from with compassion and encouragement.

~~I believe that the first step to changing anything about yourself is accepting and embracing who you are today.  Without judgement.  Just acceptance.  If you have the ability to accept yourself, flaws and all, you will be unstoppable!~~

And so, I invite you to join me on my journey either by reading my blog and Facebook Page or joining a challenge group.

☆ Stephanie Ann