My homework for the week is to stop beating myself up over things I do or do not get done during my day. We can categorize our "To Do" list into three categories...
- What we want to do: These are generally the "fun" activities through out our day. Reading a book, taking a nap, watching some tv, wandering the internet, eating some ice cream, going out to dance/party etc.
- What we should do: These activities will vary from person to person based on their own outlooks of what they view as important or necessary. For me things I "should" do include exercising the dogs, studying for personal training certification, cleaning the house, meal prep, planning the garden.
- What we need to do: These are the activities that we NEED to do in order to survive. They can be simplified down to the bare minimum tasks that MUST be accomplished each day. These tasks include things like eating, going to the bathroom, getting enough sleep, personal hygiene, and going to work.
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| Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs |
I find that my "should" do and "need to" do categories often overlap ending up with many "should" items in the "need to" category. When I then don't have enough time or do not accomplish these items I beat myself up about it! One way to look at the distinctions is to look at an example such as cleaning. What things do we need to keep clean, should we keep clean, and want to keep clean. Things we NEED to keep clean include ourselves (personal hygiene) and our cooking areas (we don't want to end up with food poisoning). If we neglect to keep these items clean our personal health and the well being of our family members can become jeopardized.
Other household chores may not be as pivotal to our personal health, we can survive a few days without vacuuming (if you have allergies this may not be the best example), we aren't going to die if we don't do that load of laundry today. Often these cleaning items are things we feel we "should" be getting done and sometimes slip into the category of "need to" get done. It is important especially for me when my depression is the worst to recognize that it is OKAY to sometimes skip these or go a few extra days between them. My world isn't going to end because the laundry is folded but not put away. A lot of times when I don't do the "should" list items when I plan them out or "on time", I chastise myself for being lazy, for avoiding, for procrastinating. If I don't do them again the next day, the self talk gets worse and worse as the days go by. As that self talk gets worse, my motivation and my will to do those tasks gets smaller and smaller until they seem DAUNTING. If I can hit the reset button on this cycle by recognizing some days won't be perfect and I won't get everything done, my mindset will be in a better place. With my mindset in a better place, even with depression, getting those "should" items accomplished doesn't seem quite so impossible.
The want items in terms of cleaning are a little harder to imagine but could include wanting to get a manicure, wanting to bring your car through the car wash so it is shiny and clean, wanting to hire someone to come do your cleaning for you, wanting to get your eyebrows done. I'm not saying that we should avoid our wants at all. I know that I need to incorporate the occasional want into my day to balance out accomplishing all of the needs. If I need to play mental games with myself to accomplish some of my "need to" do list with a reward from my "want to" do list. Awesome. One example of this that doesn't have to do with cleaning but is currently something I am aiming for is if I follow my workout routine perfectly for 21 days, I am going to go get a massage! :) Massages cost money, it will definitely be a treat but it gives me that extra motivation to really work towards my goal of committing to my workout routine.
So, as I work on not mentally beating myself up this week over the smaller day to day things, I encourage you to also take a step back and notice if you are being especially hard on yourself in areas of your life where you could cut yourself some slack. I'm making an effort to acknowledge when I successfully complete a task, even if it seems insignificant. I want you to do the same. One of the best ways to raise your self-confidence and self-esteem is through accomplishment. If we can put the same amount of mind power into congratulating ourselves on what we DO rather than on what we fail to do, we are going to be in a better space mentally. I know this is true, I've felt it before. It is just a matter of forcing myself to recognize those small accomplishments, guiding my thoughts away from the negative reinforcement back to positive reinforcement. Being mindful of my self talk. Accepting my own limitations. Smiling and living in the moment.
☆ Stephanie Ann
