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Seven Layer Bars |
It took a seven layer bar to get me out of bed today. At noon. Part of my struggle with depression is wanting to stay in bed when life feels too overwhelming. I tried to convince myself a number of times to get up and going with my day:
- "You get to have your chocolate shakeo!"
- "The dogs would love a walk outside"
- "You can do this"
- "Staying in bed won't make this go away"
- "It's sunny out"
None of these were enough though. I wasn't excited about a freezing cold shake, I definitely didn't want to leave the warmth of my bed to walk the dogs, you can do this turned into no I can't, staying in bed won't make it any worse, it's sunny out but it is still cold. The powers of negative self-talk when fighting depression can be incredible. It wasn't until I gave myself permission to stray from my meal plan and go have a seven layer bar that I was able to drag my butt out of bed.
So what was it about that sweet treat that got me going? I'm an emotional eater. Sweets give me a sugar rush and make me feel better. They make me feel better quickly. That sugar rush is enough to get me a burst of energy to actually start my day. Enough energy to make the healthy breakfast (today it was a pear, almonds, a rice cake with almond butter, and a coffee). Once I've got that healthy breakfast in me I'm *usually* able to have a somewhat productive day and not crawl back under the covers where I can wander off into dream land.
I'm an emotional eater, I struggle with depression, and I'm doing the 21 Day Fix Extreme Program which includes a relatively restrictive meal plan. How am I going to balance this? When I'm doing well, like the first week of the program, eating healthy comes a lot easier and doesn't feel overwhelming. I still have my cravings for sweets but I can push through them. When I'm doing less well, like today, eating healthy feels like climbing Mount Everest and all I really want to do is hang out at base camp and drink hot cocoa.
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"And then me will conquer that moment!" |
I've spent the last hour or so trying to figure out how I can eat as healthy as possible while allowing myself treats when I need them to get going. I think the first thing I have to do is accept that yes, I'm not going to be perfect with this meal plan the first time I do it and that is okay. Change takes time. Change of one aspect of my life is also not done in isolation from the rest of my life. Physical, mental, and spiritual health are all linked together and influence one another. Long term, increasing my physical health will ideally help my mental health and give me more energy to tackle the world and battle my depression. Short term, if a seven layer bar will get me out of bed at noon when nothing else will, I will be enjoying that seven layer bar thank you very much. Right now, the give and take, the compromise I am making with my healthy eating (my physical health) in those moments is worth the small boost I get in my emotional health (my mental health). What I am hoping for is that, as my body gets used to eating much healthier and as these new healthy lifestyle habits really start to form I will have more good days where eating healthy comes easy than not so good days where eating healthy becomes a scary monster.
Balance is everything. Not judging my own struggles and choices, accepting them for what they are and also accepting I can change them over time, will only help me be successful. If I constantly deny having a meal plan is hard for me, I won't be able to face which parts of it are hard, or why those parts are hard. I won't be able to work through those challenges and won't be able to successfully change my habits. Along with this is taking credit for all of my meal plan victories both big and small. On days when my depression is less intense and following the meal plan feels easy it is a huge victory! On days when my depression is intense and I manage to get in all of my protein, veggies, and fruits plus some sweet extras, that is a huge victory as well!
I may have had some sweets and strayed from the meal plan but I DID eat my veggies, fruits and proteins. I DID give my body good nutrients through these healthy foods. I DID have my shakeology with all of its amazing health benefits. And that is awesome, because I could have stayed in bed all day. I could have not had that healthy breakfast after the seven layer bar. I could have never taken on the 21 Day Fix Extreme challenge. But I did. And that my friends is something worth celebrating.
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"Every person has three aspects: the physical self, the mental self and the spiritual self.
The physical self is the easiest one for others to perceive.
It is about the health and fitness of your body.
When you are at your optimum in this area of life, you find that you can easily maintain your idea weight, you rarely get sick, and you possess abundant energy.
The second aspect is your mental self.
It is about your mind and your work.
When you are at your optimum in this area of life, you find your work is challenging and satisfying, you are able to make use of your creativity and skills, and you are steadily advancing in your career.
The third aspect is your spiritual self.
It is about your inner-most being and your concern with other souls.
When you are at your optimum in this area of life, you find that you are blessed with great friends in your life, and you are deeply immersed in a loving relationship with your soul mate."
artwork - Transformation by Diane Fergurson
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☆ Stephanie Ann